Super Bad

A couple nights ago I went to an advanced screening of the movie Super Bad with my brother and Daniel (aka DMoNeyRojAzZ (aka jackass)). Normally, I would use this opportunity to gloat about seeing a highly anticipated movie a month before it is released and be an asshole, but in this particular case it would be wildly inappropriate. I say that because we arrived hours early to the theater, thinking there would be a massive line and little to no chance at getting a seat. However, we arrived to see the line at only a modest length and later found that we could have arrived hours later and still easily gotten seats. This is one of the few times in my life that overestimating a situation has led to unfavorable results. First of all, it meant at least two hours of pantsless lounging time at the house that I lost forever.
But more importantly, it turned into an extra couple of hours in line around a very irritating group of people while sitting on cement so hot that I think it partially cooked my ass.

But (as usual) I digress. I didn’t start this to bitch and moan. I wrote this to applaud a fanastic movie. And I also wrote it to gloat. Sorry. I lied earlier.

So with that, I must insist that you go and see this movie the moment it comes out (August 17). That’s right, you. The one behind the keyboard wondering why you’re still reading this garbage. You need to see this movie. Why? I’ll tell you why. It will easily be the funniest movie you see this summer, and possibly the funniest movie you’ve seen in a while. How long is a while? I don’t know. Stop asking so many stupid questions.

I thought it would be impossible to release a funnier movie this summer than Knocked Up, but Super Bad definitely did just that. It’s really not that surprising, seeing as how it’s largely the same cast and creative team behind Knocked Up. Only, this movie (shockingly) had more laughs per minute (“LPM”) than Knocked Up. For those not familiar with the premise of the film, it’s essentially a movie about two best friends that are more like brothers dealing with seperation anxiety resulting from their impending graduation from high school. It will inevitably be put in the genre of “high school comedy” or “teen gross out comedy.” And while that may be somewhat accurate, it’s definitely not the typical film that finds its way into that territory. Much like 40 Year Old Virgin was atypical of the buddy comedy or coming-of-age genre, Superbad gives a new spin on comedies revolving around high school kids. Essentially, it’s American Pie, if American Pie didn’t suck. Also, it was especially entertaining for me because I could relate so much to the two main guys, particularly Michael Cera’s character

So, see this movie. It’ll make you laugh. It’ll make you cry. It’ll make you piss your pants like I did several times throughout the film. And the people around you won’t think anything of it, because a reaction like that is to be expected from Super Bad. In fact, not only did no one mind that I continually peed myself throughout the movie, the guy sitting in front of me actually turned around and gave me a thumbs up after I inadvertantly peed on his head. It’s that funny. And underneath all the expletives and dick jokes, there’s actually a very stragely sweet story about friendship.

Smuggle My Meth Elmo

So, this really isn’t big news. It’s not even anything new. However, I’m still incredibly entertained by the news that Elmo dolls have been used to smuggle crystal meth. Now I understand why mothers fistfight each other at 6AM in Toys R Us for these things.

…Stupid joke?!…Well. Ok. Ok, yeah. Yeah, you’re right. That was a terrible joke (expect to hear it in Jay Leno’s monologue tonight).

But seriously, this news story has amused me on and off all day today. I’m not exactly sure what about it makes me laugh so much, but it’s definitely not that a toy was used to smuggle drugs. It’s not that the toy was Elmo. It’s not that Elmo is a drug mule and that conjures up weird images of Elmo in a bathroom struggling to either vomit or crap out a latex glove full of meth. Well, ok, that makes me laugh a little bit too. I think what has caused the most immature giggling on my part are two pictures I’ve seen of DEA agents at a press conference accompanied by Elmo himself.

 

I don’t know what’s funnier to me. The fact that these very official looking men are making official statements to the press with a Sesame Street character best known for laughing like a raving lunatic, or the expression on Elmo’s face. It’s probably a mix of both.

In the first picture, it looks like Elmo is shocked and embarrassed because of how many people were there to hear the charges being brought against him, or shocked because he saw his parents in the audience, or maybe shocked because the guy behind the podium has his hand up Elmo’s ass. The second picture looks like they brought Elmo in while he was still high on something (what with the bug eyes and lack of teeth). Either that, or Elmo was locked in the most intense staring contest ever with the cameraman who took the picture. And also, the man in the center of the second picture has a look on his face that is so distinct that I can almost hear what he’s thinking as he tries to slink away and hide out of pure shame. “Dammit, Frank. I told you bringing that stupid doll for dramatic effect was a terrible idea. He just keeps laughing and yelling his name. And you wonder why no one takes us seriously?!”

Oh, Elmo. You crazy red-furred meth addict, you.

Dave Brubeck

At a youthful 86, Dave Brubeck is still touring and playing music for audiences. If you ever have the opportunity to see him perform, I would highly suggest taking up the chance to see a musical genius/legend at work. In fact, I’d say the price of admission was worth it just to hear Mr. Brubeck tell stories and explain the origins of a certain song. I only hope that if/when I make it to his age, I am still as mentally sharp and funny. The highlight of the evening came at the encore when Dave Brubeck and his quartet played lullaby. It was almost like an entire audience being put to sleep by their grandfather.

Yet Another Blog

So, it seems that everyone with internet access and a keyboard has their own blog. That’s right, not even a monitor is required. In fact, if you plug your keyboard directly into a phone jack and start typing, I’m certain your recap of what you did for lunch will be posted somewhere on the internet. What’s more, if I remember correctly, I already had about five or six blogs before I opened up a new account here, all of which I update every…never. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there is absolutely no reason that I should start a new blog. I already have my fair share, and the world definitely doesn’t need another person to talk about pointless celebrity gossip or share their views about international conflicts or satisfy some exhibitionist urges by writing as if they’re unaware that their personal diary is open to be read by everyone on the internet.

However, as much as I want to spare everyone from another blog in an already endless ocean of blogs, I have trouble suppressing my urge to talk aimlessly about nothing. I guess that’s why I always had “Talks too much” as a comment on my report cards from elementary school through high school. So, with that said, here’s to another blog that no one will read. Maybe I’ll make someone laugh along the way, accidentally get myself fired, or shame my entire family by posting pictures of myself doing something so embarrassing that it should never be put anywhere near a computer let alone posted online.

Assuming I don’t forget this exists or just get even more cripplingly lazy, this will be yet another place for me to say absolutely nothing in the form of run-on sentences, grammatical errors and meandering thoughts.

Hooray!